ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
