I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
