Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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