sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
