hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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