i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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