she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
