no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
