I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
