dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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