why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
