Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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