grandma shit on top of the toilet
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
