Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
