eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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