they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
