bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize