Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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