I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
