Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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