The maid of honor just puked.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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