I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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