guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
