the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
