God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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