my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize