ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
