Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
