Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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