You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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