I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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