my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
