I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
