I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
