I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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