Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
