if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
