Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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