Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
