i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
