Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
