Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
