He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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