i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
