whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
