I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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