I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
