if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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