Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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