i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
