i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
