Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
