I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
