Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
