great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is the high leading the old right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
