So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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