an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why do cheetos always look like penises
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
