i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
