Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
