Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She bit a glass in half.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
