If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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