One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
