...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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