it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
