oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
its liver damage thursday
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
