I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
