would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
