As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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