A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
