Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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