so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
