What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
