i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
