Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
