i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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