Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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