you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize