the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
