Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
