he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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