I hate your face
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
