soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
