i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
