They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
